i haven’t been around for a while as I broke my hand in a freak girl freaking accident. after stripping her naked she revealed that she was a Rochdale fan so I hit her as hard as I could in the face, breaking my knuckles in the process.
i must clarify that I do not usually hit women (although all my exes back home in Nigeria have felt the black of my hand) but she’d quite clearly lied to me when I asked her if she was ashamed of anything or if she had anything to confess. why ruin the moment when I’ve finally got her kit off (it was the new England one)?
what has been happening at Bury FC? kicked out of the FA Cup for picking a bastard and then selling Dave Mattis to Barnsley. now look what has happened?
one good thing to seemingly come out of this was the fact that the clubs media manager Gordon Sorefeet was quitting his job which meant that I had the opportunity to submit my CV to the club to become the first ever Nigerian webmaster not only in Bury but in the whole of the world (outside Nigeria). i had heard that Gordon was leaving to become the new driver for the royal family.
i listed my qualifications and wrote about my experience editing a farming website back home (Nigeria) and my qualities in bed with women which my flatmate said could perhaps go down well. i had some damn good ideas for run out music which we could perhaps have a vote on.
i didn’t hear back. initially I wondered if I had been turned down because of the colour of my skin (although the Bury chairman would not have known this as my photo was in black and white) but then worried that I didn’t have the expertise of using photoshop or clipart to put together a 64 page colour programme with match action images on 45 of them.
i then sat down and pondered the thought that as I didn’t have any past tales about not having an internet line down at Torquay, how a Jaffa cake looked like Liam Robinson or how me and my partner once had a threesome with Zinedine Zidane whilst he wore a Bury shirt with Sorefeet on the back, i may be limited to what I could offer to the hordes of Bury fans using the internet worldwide.
i couldn’t do that to them so I withdrew my application and it appears now they had to bring the current occupier of the post back. oh well. at least he was always first and fast with the news.
unlike my Doctor who has only just confirmed that I DO have crabs from that damn Daley. and all I did was finger her.
good luck Bury fans!