Thursday, December 21, 2006

fa fools!


hello Bury fans!

i thought things were going well for the Shakers until I heard that we were being thrown out of the FA Cup for fielding an illegitimate player.

this is not allowed back home in Nigeria either. the Nigerian FA set up a mixed sex league but some players ended up pregnant when the games became more physical and the tackles came flying in. for a short while the FA dealt with this problem by ensuring that all the males ejaculated prior to the game commencing. there were some unusual scenes in the dressing rooms let me tell you!

the league was eventually cancelled though because the English FA claimed the rights to it but didn’t succeed in setting up their own version because they couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery.

evidence of this was angrily reported in a Nigerian newspaper when they discovered that the FA had organised a Christmas knees up at a local beer brewers which resulted in one of the female workers ending up the duff. so the FA were just as poor at sorting these things out as their counterparts back in Lagos.

still, the English FA covered this story up by claiming that in fact Newcastle winger Damien Duff’s girlfriend was expecting a child so they weren’t as honest as Bury have been were they?

i am devastated by the news that if the appeal is not successful, the club will not be able to play Ipswich Town in the FA cup. i should add that my Nigerian pen pal Obehi flew over to England especially to watch Bury’s replay against Chester City. he had to sell his farm, his wife and reluctantly his Gameboy Advanced to pay for his plane and match tickets.

so show some sympathy you tight gets. give Obehi his money back (he may be able to afford to return home then as he can’t find a job here as nobody seems to need admin assistants) or put Bury back in the FA cup!

visit here and sign the petition! i have!

good luck Bury fans!

Friday, December 01, 2006

run for your life!


hello Bury fans!

now, do not think I am begging here but I am hoping that some of you will support me on this.

i plan to enter the next London marathon and raise some money for some poor families back home in Nigeria which is where I originally came from if you are not aware of this already.

i don’t think many Africans have ran a marathon in England before but I am now thinking about what crazy costume I could wear as I believe that this is obligatory.

perhaps I could wear the Robby the Bobby costume and run around the streets of London in it (during the marathon)? what has happened to this? the first time I saw it was at my first Bury game which was Bury versus Yeovil and we won 3-1 with David Nugent scoring all four goals. he was stood near two chubby girls who perhaps needed to join a gym. one looked like a cheerleader and the other was apparently called Hannah.

i was recently cruising around one night looking for some hoe’s after I discovered that B & Q wasn’t now open after 8PM when I spotted a fat guy with a hairy forehead running around dressed up as a charity bag. i wasn’t expecting to see this during an evening looking for equipment for the university garden but it hit me that perhaps he too was training for the London Marathon? maybe Holcombe Brook is the place to wear silly costumes and run freely without ridicule?

it is great that Bury have seemingly turned the corner and are enjoying some success on the pitch. not only are the team playing well but a local man has played the lottery well too!

back home, my grandfather once won a small prize on the Nigerian lottery and was delighted to receive his reward of two chickens and a cock as well as a green ink Parker pen.

our new local millionaire would be able to help the club out immensely and suggest to Sky that they stop showing rubbish FA Cup replays.

maybe the Hardman who won the money would like to support me too? i’ll nip round to his pub later with some buckets.

actually, can anybody help me out with a spare one?

good luck Bury fans!