Thursday, October 26, 2006

accept everyone!

hello Bury fans!

back home in Nigeria, one of our favourite things to do on a Sunday was to visit the local farmers market where you could buy a farmer to pile up the hay on your land. my grandfather came from a farming background and wanted me to follow in his footsteps and he used to say “Rudi, give up those dreams of yours about a move to England. i’ve heard that they don’t like blacks over there,” but I told him he was wrong and I’ve been proven correct. i’ve been made very welcome. the women in particular have welcomed me into their homes with open arms and legs.

i have been impressed with the different types of people in England although some kinds are less tolerable than others.

i shouted ‘goths’ at some people stood on the street last week but they turned out to be scallies. they picked up the nearest thing to them which happened to be a sword which they were using to cut through the railings of what I think was a vineyard in Cheetham Hill.

my quick thinking forced me under the cover of an empty market stall, under which I found myself keeping quiet with three Albanians, Lisa Stansfield, somebody who looked like Osama bin Laden and a Pole who promised he WAS going to get a job.

when I looked out, the scallies had gone and i headed back home to my student accommodation.

i spotted a web site recently that had t-shirts for sale with Bury cult hero faces on them. i was thinking how great it would be for me to get a t-shirt with a picture of myself on it so all the Bury fans know who I am when I go to the games.

my grandfather would have been so proud to see my face on the world wide web and would perhaps have spent more time with my grandmother to share in his joy rather than going out and spending his money on hookers. he told me that if I could move half as fast as him in the sack when I reached his age, he’d be proud of me (even though he’d be dead).

to be honest though, he wouldn’t have been able to use the internet as it isn’t very good in Nigeria and this is one of the reasons more people haven’t heard about Bury FC. you'd either have dial up internet at home taking about 2 hours for the yahoo homepage to load or somebody would steal your internet token in a cafe to sell for bread or if all that had gone then simply rock moss would be a satisfactory form of nourishment.

if you ever visit Nigeria and see people licking the road, it’s not because they’ve been battered by scallies, it’s because they’ve ran out of food.

good luck Bury fans!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you sad cunt