Thursday, October 26, 2006

accept everyone!

hello Bury fans!

back home in Nigeria, one of our favourite things to do on a Sunday was to visit the local farmers market where you could buy a farmer to pile up the hay on your land. my grandfather came from a farming background and wanted me to follow in his footsteps and he used to say “Rudi, give up those dreams of yours about a move to England. i’ve heard that they don’t like blacks over there,” but I told him he was wrong and I’ve been proven correct. i’ve been made very welcome. the women in particular have welcomed me into their homes with open arms and legs.

i have been impressed with the different types of people in England although some kinds are less tolerable than others.

i shouted ‘goths’ at some people stood on the street last week but they turned out to be scallies. they picked up the nearest thing to them which happened to be a sword which they were using to cut through the railings of what I think was a vineyard in Cheetham Hill.

my quick thinking forced me under the cover of an empty market stall, under which I found myself keeping quiet with three Albanians, Lisa Stansfield, somebody who looked like Osama bin Laden and a Pole who promised he WAS going to get a job.

when I looked out, the scallies had gone and i headed back home to my student accommodation.

i spotted a web site recently that had t-shirts for sale with Bury cult hero faces on them. i was thinking how great it would be for me to get a t-shirt with a picture of myself on it so all the Bury fans know who I am when I go to the games.

my grandfather would have been so proud to see my face on the world wide web and would perhaps have spent more time with my grandmother to share in his joy rather than going out and spending his money on hookers. he told me that if I could move half as fast as him in the sack when I reached his age, he’d be proud of me (even though he’d be dead).

to be honest though, he wouldn’t have been able to use the internet as it isn’t very good in Nigeria and this is one of the reasons more people haven’t heard about Bury FC. you'd either have dial up internet at home taking about 2 hours for the yahoo homepage to load or somebody would steal your internet token in a cafe to sell for bread or if all that had gone then simply rock moss would be a satisfactory form of nourishment.

if you ever visit Nigeria and see people licking the road, it’s not because they’ve been battered by scallies, it’s because they’ve ran out of food.

good luck Bury fans!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

ground floor!

hello Bury fans!

university life is becoming very busy at the moment. people come and go and buzz about without a care in the world for what is going on around them. they are all so focussed on completing their next assignment, handing in library books, sat around a bong smoking cock or registering new students that they wouldn’t have noticed had the only Nigerian on the site got stuck in the lift and remained there for nearly 36 hours with only a bottle of Ribena and some Minstrels to keep him company. how the five of us and all those brass instruments managed to fit into that small space I’ll never know. it was a real racket.

as I knew they wouldn’t believe my reason for why my essay was late I had to make up a new excuse so said that my goat had died. that didn’t work either but they sort of believed it as a health inspector came knocking at the halls of residence asking for a Kriss Akabussi. did they just make that name up or something?

i received an unwanted gift at a student union party and felt that I should perhaps give it away to somebody who may desire such an item. so here is the first ever Odebayo competition!

to win a Metallica t-shirt signed by Terry Wogan just answer the following question: -

which country do I originally come from?

A) Nigeria
B) Norway
C) Nicaragua
D) Nugent
E) Nigeria

it is great that Bury have been picking up points lately as a good result at the weekend always brightens up my week. i went onto the Bury website and printed off a picture of goal scoring Christian Glynn Hurst to put on my wall. i blew it up to A3 size but now it just looks like one of those magic eye pictures. i keep looking at it and keep seeing an image of Winnie Mandela leaping out at me.

Hurst has been a miracle since he joined us and apparently he goes to church every Sunday and prays to God. as long as he keeps praying, we’ll keep on scoring I reckon. i’m a follower of God too (as well as Bury) but he didn’t get me out of that bloody lift did he? i missed a blind date that my friends had set up with me with a supermodel they called Kate Moose.

apparently she’s now on the catering course and plans to bake me a Bury FC themed birthday cake if she doesn’t eat it first! her cooking must be THAT good!

good luck Bury fans!