Friday, April 07, 2006

the drive to success


hello Bury fans!

you’ll all be pleased to hear that i’ve been busy taking driving lessons so that a whole new world of employment opportunities is opened up to me.

i did pass my test back home in Nigeria but you cannot use that license over here. back in my village I used to drive what could only be described as a new Ford Volkswagen™. it had air conditioning (no glass), power steering (a small slave boy who helped to turn the wheel) and one previous owner who was pointed out to me at the funeral by his widow.

once I have passed my test, I hope to perhaps become the first Nigerian Bury FC supporters coach driver. i’d paint the bus green, get a private registration plate (0debay0) and fit a wicked sound system to get the ladies shakin’ their asses on the way to the game.

maybe sometimes I could drive the team bus during next seasons promotion campaign? i’d like to see Brian Barry-Murphy breaking into a sweat as he body pops up and down the aisle. i’ve yet to see that particular player break into a sweat on the football pitch which is a bit of a surprise considering the name written on his shirt weighs a lot more than the others. back home in Nigeria, I had a team mate called Phineas Akinsanya-Palassa or Pap to his friends and his shirt looked like it had been stolen from the set of ‘Honey, I Shrunk the Kids’, a hit movie just released back home in Nigeria.

every time I see a Bury player not trying hard for the team, I think about Pap who would have given his right leg to become a professional footballer. Pap sadly didn’t end his life with a right leg as he got savaged by a giant stray Yorkshire terrier that had leapt off a boat picking up cargo in Lagos. Pap met a tragic end moments later when he fell off the side of the docks in agony and got hit by a pedalo. it’s hard to believe that this recreational form of transport had found its way into a busy sea port.

speaking of Barry-Murphy i hear that our manager has given the hair dryer treatment to our players after some poor displays recently. this reminded me of when I recently went to get my Afro (this is a technical term) tidied up at the hairdressers and they kept the curlers in for too long and my hair ignited. it looked somebody had had an accident with a match whilst holding a microphone.

i was delighted to hear that Bury had signed four new players on deadline day in the hope that they would give the side a boost and was interested to read about how they did. congratulations to Ross, Gobern, Pugh and Gilks who all caused problems for Rochdale should the newspapers be believed.

good luck Bury fans!

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