Friday, February 17, 2006

love hurts

hello Bury fans!

like everything else, Bird flu has taken it’s time to arrive in Nigeria but it’s there and it’s clucking annoying everybody. i found out after giving my grandfather a call to see if he’d managed to fix the well after my grandmother had dropped a cheetah cub into it by accident. she’d inadvertently managed to steal it from Shagamu zoo after she picked the animal up instead of her glasses case. my grandfather said that the village doctor was doing tests.

now, doctors back home aren’t exactly of the same quality of the NHS and they’ve been feeding seeds to local residents to see who likes and dislikes them. he told me that the doctor thought he’d found a large outbreak at a hen party in the capital but they were all just bladdered on Gulder Lager.

the old saying from back home is “a papaya a day keeps the doctor away”. this must have worked as there was no bird flu in the village.

the combination of Valentines Day and the bird flu epidemic got me worried and I began to think about my old love that I left behind before coming to England. she was beautiful, like a young Moira Stewart but nicer and when we were young we used to get the bus to Lagos and dance into the early hours at which point the driver would kick us off. we didn’t have much money back then but she was happy to be taken out for a nice bowl of rice and some pop.

she has apparently become a successful businesswoman and she was always full of ideas back then. she is the kind of person who could make a fortune for Bury FC.

she used to organise raffles and tombolas for the local youth club and perhaps these are the kind of suggestions we could send to our new fans liaison officer Margaret Napkin although I’m told she isn’t as fit as she used to be (just like Moira Stewart) and it takes her a while to get to her computer to reply to you.

Akanke was a real dream. her name rolls off the tongue as easily as she rolled onto mine. she always made the most out of situations. right now she’ll be somewhere putting aside the slaughtered diseased chickens ready to be made into soup for the old peoples home. once they have died, she’d probably organise the construction of a Whacky Warehouse or a sports hall. she was a very resourceful lass. let’s hope that our own wonder woman can prove to be as much of a success for this club before it’s too late as she may die and leave us all spitting feathers.

good luck Bury fans!

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